Looking at the Perimeter from the Inside
by Meg F
Summary: Jenna struggles to come to terms with what happened to Gan. Set after "Pressure Point".


**Title: Looking at the Perimeter from the Inside (Blake's 7)  
**

**Summary: Set after the season 2 episode "Pressure Point". Jenna struggles to come to terms with what happened. Jenna/Cally.  
**

**Notes: indicates a flashback.  
**

**Disclaimer: I don't own these characters or this situation.  
**

**Thanks to Pete, Jen, Vic, Melissa, and Dot, as always. **

Jenna rolled over and stared at the ceiling. It resolutely failed to amuse her. She put her hands behind her head and tried to get comfortable, but the blood stopped flowing to her fingers. She sat up and wiggled her fingers in front of her face.

"Ow," she said conversationally, and shrugged. "Might as well get up." It was the middle of the night but she couldn't sleep. She took a sip of water from the cup next to her bed, made a face, and stood up. 

Putting on her blue robe, she tried to set her mind to concentrate only on the simple tasks; only on the little things - anything to get her mind to quiet enough for eventual sleep. Pull the sash tight. Run her fingers through her hair. Open the door. Walk outside.

But everything reminded her of Gan.

In that corner, just outside the teleport room, he'd told her a joke. 

"Hey, Jenna," Gan beckoned her. "I have to tell you something." His shoulders were set with the worry that she shared, but his eyes crinkled and the side of his mouth curved upward.

"What is it, Gan? I have to go in to relieve Cally."

"She'll be all right for another minute. We haven't heard anything from Vila or Avon anyway. Please - you need to hear this."

Reluctantly, Jenna walked over to him and looked up into his kind face. She always felt dwarfed around him; but not in a bad way. "Is something wrong?"

"Not exactly." Gan closed his eyes for an instant, lips moving as if he mentally rehearsed what he had to say, then he opened his eyes and cleared his throat. "Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other, 'How do you drive this thing?' "

Jenna did a double take. She stared at him, gaping, then laughed. "Oh, no. . . oh, Gan, that's awful!"

He grinned, and patted her on the shoulder gently. "I know. Go relieve Cally."

Still chuckling, she went to the door - with a little of her tension lifted.

She'd been desperately worried about Vila and Avon on some planet or other, in some danger or other. They'd all been in danger so many times that the various incidents tended to blur into each other.

. . . except for Gan's, of course.

Jenna stretched her arms up above her head as she walked, then clasped her hands behind her back and pulled, trying to relax the muscles. The right side of her neck twinged - an old injury from when Gan had attacked her, when his limiter had given out.

Jenna shook her head as she entered the flight deck.

Cally sat on the floor at the front, staring into space. Her head snapped around, even though Jenna hadn't made any noise, and suddenly she was there, standing in front of Jenna, holding her, and it all came loose inside and Jenna started sobbing into Cally's shoulder.

"I know," Cally repeated softly, "I know." She rubbed Jenna's back until Jenna was able to compose herself.

Jenna stepped back, wiping her eyes. "Sorry, Cally, I just - I just feel so isolated. Everyone's holed up, all coping much better than I am." Jenna laughed wryly. "A three-year-old would be coping better than I am."

"Oh, I don't think so," Cally said. She led Jenna over to the carpet in front of the pilot's chair. They sat together, and Cally put her arm around Jenna - which felt like the most natural thing in the world. "They all grieve, in their own ways. As I do. I can feel it." She passed a hand across her face, and Jenna finally noticed just how tired she looked. Cally's eyes were red, and her hair was a mess.

Cally continued, "I can't usually read everyone from a distance, but the emotions are so strong, I can't help it." She rubbed her eyes. "And I can't tell them to grieve together. These things are private. I can't force them."

Jenna winced. "You mean - you mean you can't block us out?"

Cally shook her head. "Oh, no. I mean, I can't, but I don't mind. I wouldn't sleep anyway." Her voice cracked. "What was it you said when all this started? Blake talked about the perimeter defences, and you told him, 'You never said anything about looking at the perimeter from the inside.' I keep going over and over that in my mind." 

Cally was silent for a moment, staring off into space again. Aware on some level that she hadn't finished, Jenna didn't speak. 

Cally continued quietly, "I said we had to take the risk. And now Gan's looking at -- death -- from the inside." 

"Stop that," Jenna said, turning to make eye contact. Surprised by the urgency in her own voice, she said, "That wasn't your fault. Don't blame yourself."

Cally sucked her lower lip between her teeth. She met Jenna's eyes, then looked away. "All right. But don't you blame yourself, either." 

Jenna nodded, knowing she couldn't hide it. "I'll try. Are you sure you don't mind having all of our emotions battering at you?"

"It eases me somewhat, to know how the others feel. Even Avon, though he would never confess to it. He's meant to be on night watch, but he's really in his room. Thinking. He told Zen to contact him if necessary." Cally grinned, a fleeting moment of wryness. "I have the feeling that Blake will do something incredibly stupid to deal with his feelings."

"I have to admit I'm angry at him. But I wish he could find a constructive way of dealing with it." Jenna rolled her eyes. "Men."

. . . and Cally kissed her.

It was over so quickly, Jenna hardly realised what was happening. Cally pulled away, but her clean, fresh, scent and the lightness of her lips stayed in Jenna's senses.

"I'm sorry," Cally said. She stood, walking towards the exit. "I should not do that. I'll see you in the morning."

Jenna clambered upright with an effort. Her legs felt weak. "No! Wait." 

Cally stopped with her arms folded, face carved from stone. 

"I - I don't mind," Jenna said. She felt her lips curving into an involuntary smile. "Now may not be the best time, but really - I don't mind. I think it could be good," she offered.

Cally searched her face, mingled joy and wonder on her own. "Really?" she breathed.

"Really," Jenna assured her.

They left separately, heading towards their rooms. Jenna undressed and got into bed, but this time Gan was not her only fixation.

This time she managed to drift off to sleep.


End file.
